Let’s talk about not knowing who you really are!
Do you actually know me?
Sometimes, I wonder if I am the person that I portray to be, or has it been a pretense since the beginning. I have lived a pretty controlled life. And I guess, I have posed more restrictions on the stuff that I can do and I cannot do than my parents. I have this whole range of f- words so that I don’t say the actual f-word. And why though? Why can’t I swear like normal people and if have I ever have a slip of tongue since I hear it all day, why do I have the urge to have more control over myself? Why can’t I just let it go?
This whole control thing has shaped my personality. I am that person that I wanted to be when I was younger, the sole reason I started to control myself.
Do you like her?
Yes, she’s the person I wished to be.
Do you want her to change?
Hell yes! Because I want her to be better than herself and change is fine, in fact, change is good.
Then why do you have second thoughts on your personality?
Well, there are times when my first instinct to some situations is nowhere near to the way I actually react. I am still that control freak. I control if not all then most of my actions.
Isn’t that what personality is? Trust me, no one gives a darn about what goes on inside your brain before you actually make a decision. The final reaction is all we care about and that is your personality for us. She’s like that since she always reacts the same way to situations. Simple!
Oh well, fair enough.
I do have this contradicting personality. I am always contradicting my thoughts. As you all know, I have this weird habit of talking to myself 24/7 (pretty common but weird), and most of the time I am debating on something or everything. And this made me realize, maybe I am not that person people know me to be, or maybe I am not that person I know myself to be.
Is there a way to find out who you actually are?
Nope.
So, what should I do?
You have six pending assignments, go solve them if you don’t have anything better to do.
Well well, fair enough.
Okay, one last question, not going to bother you anymore.
Agh! Fine, ask ahead.
What if I tried to be someone else when I was younger and there’s a fair chance I would have been better than my present self. You know like a few changes, different kinds of control. You get it right?
Yes, I do get your concern. Why don’t you just invent a time machine since you’re so good with science, and see for yourself…
Sarcasm, I see. C’mon it’s a genuine question. I mean I could have been a whole different, a better version of myself.
(Sigh) What if it would have been a worse version of yourself?
That’s a fair possibilty.
Yesss darling! And that is why you should love who you are right now, instead of pondering over your past. If you actually want to be better then work on yourself in the present beacause that is the only time you can control (since you’re such a control freak).
Ah, someone’s getting all wise!
Yeah right, one of us has to be you know. Now, don’t bother me. I have stuff to do. BBye!
Cool cool. Bbye!
I guess I made my point clear with this conversation with my dual self. And that is all for today. Till then
